Anonymous said: Sir Erospainter, everything you have written about women on your blog rings true to me. Knowing you perceive women like jewels to be treasured is unbelievably arousing. I just wish I had a strong enough self-esteem to be a submissive. I would gladly be yours...
Those who know me ..know I dont have much bandwidth for anonymous postings but your note sounded genuine so making an exception here Little One in training..in regard to your self esteem comment..some thoughts..
Self-esteem relates to how you feel about yourself, whether you like yourself. Being submissive is not about being a “doormat” or a “lesser person”. But the sad thing is, many go through life feeling less than what they truly are.
Where does our self-esteem come from? Growing up we were given messages about who we are. These messages are given to us by our parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, teachers, ministers, radio and TV, and other areas of the media.
Whether dominant or submissive, we have been shaped by our pasts. Unfortunately, many of us take the messages we heard in our childhood, into our adult lives and still believe these terrible things about ourselves. If we grew up in unhealthy families we did not learn how to communicate our feelings. We did not see healthy intimacy, parenthood, or communication modeled. This makes for a near impossibility of having a good D/s relationship, let alone any other kinds of relationships.
If a submissive has low self-esteem, it will hinder a D/s relationship. If a submissive does not find a “healthy and real” Dominant, she/he will not be fulfilled and actually be very miserable in her/his submission and existence. However, with the right Dominant, she/he will flourish and grow and become the woman/man she/he always wanted to become. And remember, the Dominant needs to be healthy also in order to help her/him accomplish this. If the submissive believes things like this: I should never ask my Dom/me for any kind of help; I should not use my safeword; I cannot disagree with my Dom/me; I should not have any limits; I must always be perfect; I must be “super submissive”; I am worthless if I make a mistake; it will more than likely result in stress and physical ills (headaches, stomach aches, high blood pressure). As a submissive one desires to please their Dominant, but not to the extent of sacrificing their own person. You can serve your Dominant but not give up your identity. A good Dominant would never expect this either!
Now, don’t misunderstand me! This does not mean a submissive should not be the best submissive she/he can be. But, she/he needs to allow herself to be human and she/he needs to maintain balance in her/his life and in all that she/he does. Submissives will make mistakes. And, a submissive can discuss limits, concerns, worries, in a very respectful manner. Look for a Dominant who understands all of this, otherwise you may just keep hearing the unhealthy messages repeated over and over again.
Now then.. how does one improve their self-esteem? What things can YOU do to change the way you feel about yourself?
can use is Affirmations. These are positive input you give yourself each day to remind yourself that you ARE a good person, that you DO have abilities and possibilities. Write these out and look at yourself in the mirror each morning and repeat them to yourself. Giving yourself these messages will help you to believe them.. to believe in yourself and who and what you are!
Here are some examples you can use!
- I am a wonderful submissive
- The more I have, the more I have to give
- All things are now working together for good in my life
- I have a wonderful job
- It is Ok for me to have fun and enjoy myself
- Everyday, in every way I am getting better and better and better
- I give thanks for my life
- I am whole and complete in myself
- I love and accept myself just as I am
- The more I love myself, the more love I have to give to others
- I am an excellent communicator
- I am beautiful inside and out
- I am a good person
- I have a lot to offer the world
Now these are just a few examples… and you can add to them to suit areas you need to build your self-esteem in. The important thing, is to look in the mirror every day and repeat these things to yourself. What happens after a period of time, is that you will begin to BELIEVE what you are telling yourself… just as you learned to believe those horrible things people said to you in the past. But POSITIVE things.. not NEGATIVE!
It may seem strange saying these things at first because you’ve been lead, through one means or another, to believe just the opposite. Try it.. it really works! So hope this helps to build that fragile self esteem issue to get you someday to find that one right man you were destined to serve..good luck in your journey