ome might like one BDSM element but not others. Not all men who want control in a relationship are interested in rules and rituals or making the woman beg or kneel or sit on the floor or eat out of a dog’s bowl. Not all men want the woman to call them sir or master or speak in the third person. Not every woman who wants to be under the authority of a man wants to be a BDSM slave, or to wear a BDSM collar, or engage in anything undignified or humiliating, and not all submissive women have a desire to serve.

On the art of the perfect Dom/Submissive relationship
Masters and slaves aren’t perfect. They make mistakes, get angry, say the wrong things, become sad. The Master/slave relationship can provide a situation for abuse if the Master takes out his frustrations on His slave. There are legitimate reasons for either to be angry at the other, but the special position of power may cause the Master to easily dish it out and the slave to take it because he has agreed that punishment is the right of the Master. A Master who cannot apologize to His slave when he has committed a wrong because He fears that His mastery of the slave will be threatened, has an ego problem. A slave may be afraid to express his anger because he feels it is disrespectful or failure to live up to the Master’s desires or fears punishment. How can Masters and slaves deal with anger in healthy ways? Time outs, wherein Master and slave can talk freely about the relationship and other interests or problems are a good plan. The ability to talk out problems in a reasonable manner, rather than acting immediately on anger, and to forgive and get on with life is also paramount.

On the art of the perfect Dom/Submissive relationship

Masters and slaves aren’t perfect. They make mistakes, get angry, say the wrong things, become sad. The Master/slave relationship can provide a situation for abuse if the Master takes out his frustrations on His slave. There are legitimate reasons for either to be angry at the other, but the special position of power may cause the Master to easily dish it out and the slave to take it because he has agreed that punishment is the right of the Master. A Master who cannot apologize to His slave when he has committed a wrong because He fears that His mastery of the slave will be threatened, has an ego problem. A slave may be afraid to express his anger because he feels it is disrespectful or failure to live up to the Master’s desires or fears punishment. How can Masters and slaves deal with anger in healthy ways? Time outs, wherein Master and slave can talk freely about the relationship and other interests or problems are a good plan. The ability to talk out problems in a reasonable manner, rather than acting immediately on anger, and to forgive and get on with life is also paramount.

from her how to have a BDSM relationship diary:
i can’t get all involved in what is ‘protocol’ and what is not… good grief, relationships are hard enough… i frankly just prefer to please my partner and follow his lead, regardless of what it is… isn’t that what D/s is, after all?

from her how to have a BDSM relationship diary:

i can’t get all involved in what is ‘protocol’ and what is not… good grief, relationships are hard enough… i frankly just prefer to please my partner and follow his lead, regardless of what it is… isn’t that what D/s is, after all?

In a healthy BDSM relationship, as well as any other romantic relationship, the partners may depend very much on one another in their daily lives and for their emotional well being. The line is only crossed into codependence when one or more of these significant problems manifest themselves in a relationship, and generally not before. If being in a BDSM relationship makes you feel good about yourself and your partner, and your desire to practice BDSM does not cause significant dysfunction or harm, you are not “sick” simply because you like to act out on your sexual fantasies with a willing partner - even if those fantasies are pretty extreme and intense.
However, a damaged, severely co-dependent person should probably not be doing heavy, risky BDSM play any more than a person with broken bones should be playing tackle football. Wait until your bones heal and you are healthy and strong - go to the doctor if need be to speed your healing - before you start playing hard, strenuous sports. And wait until you have your head screwed on straight before you get into heavy BDSM.
You will find many more damaged, co-dependent people in abusive vanilla relationships than you will in BDSM relationships. They get hit and beaten, and they do not consent, and do not like it, and get nothing helpful, healing or positive out of it a t all.

In a healthy BDSM relationship, as well as any other romantic relationship, the partners may depend very much on one another in their daily lives and for their emotional well being. The line is only crossed into codependence when one or more of these significant problems manifest themselves in a relationship, and generally not before. If being in a BDSM relationship makes you feel good about yourself and your partner, and your desire to practice BDSM does not cause significant dysfunction or harm, you are not “sick” simply because you like to act out on your sexual fantasies with a willing partner - even if those fantasies are pretty extreme and intense.

However, a damaged, severely co-dependent person should probably not be doing heavy, risky BDSM play any more than a person with broken bones should be playing tackle football. Wait until your bones heal and you are healthy and strong - go to the doctor if need be to speed your healing - before you start playing hard, strenuous sports. And wait until you have your head screwed on straight before you get into heavy BDSM.

You will find many more damaged, co-dependent people in abusive vanilla relationships than you will in BDSM relationships. They get hit and beaten, and they do not consent, and do not like it, and get nothing helpful, healing or positive out of it a t all.

“She cast her fragrance and her radiance over me. I ought never to have run away from her… I ought to have guessed all the affection that lay behind her poor little stratagems. Flowers are so inconsistent! But I was too young to know how to love her…” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

“She cast her fragrance and her radiance over me. I ought never to have run away from her… I ought to have guessed all the affection that lay behind her poor little stratagems. Flowers are so inconsistent! But I was too young to know how to love her…” 
― Antoine de Saint-ExupéryThe Little Prince

(Source: noir-d-amour, via lovelykinkythings)

The confessions of an honest slaves and the paradox of the BDSM lifestyle

The paradox:I am not a sadist - I do not get pleasure from inflicting pain on a stranger or an animal. It saddens me to see people being tortured by fascist regimes- yet I love to torture my slave.The explanation:When I was younger I thought love was a receiving discipline - but as I grew older I learned that true love is a giving thing - nothing in the world makes me happier than bringing pleasure to my loved ones. It even beats when they please me (ah well, close anyway). *g*What pleases me in life is beauty, love, devotion and honesty. There are many ways for a person to express these things,- you can buy flowers, you can caress your loved one, sing to them, make them laugh, bake bread and all kinds of things. Most of these things however, have an upper limit that can be reached fairly easily.When you are pleasing your loved one in all the nicest ways you can think of - how do you add to it? How do you express even more depth than being as nice, sweet, and good to him/her as you possibly can? I have found that this can be done by showing even more devotion than it takes to do all the nicest things in the world. By showing your Master that you are his - to an extent that out does “being your own”. You are his to do with as he pleases - good or bad, in pleasure or pain. You’re his completely, because you love him and even more, you trust him. You trust him enough to give yourself completely to him - not limited by the vanilla “I am yours as long as its nice”. You are his entirely - which means that it’s up to him to define a purpose for you in life - that is, to me, the deepest devotion one person can possibly show to another. It is the deepest form of respect, trust and love - which to me is beauty!So!The slave’s acceptance of pain/humiliation/whatever is a deep way to show complete devotion and love - and THAT gives me a kick. It’s not the pain/humiliation/whatever in and of itself, it is the acceptance of it from my slave - that is where I find the true beauty of S/M.

The confessions of an honest slaves and the paradox of the BDSM lifestyle

The paradox:
I am not a sadist - I do not get pleasure from inflicting pain on a stranger or an animal. It saddens me to see people being tortured by fascist regimes- yet I love to torture my slave.

The explanation:
When I was younger I thought love was a receiving discipline - but as I grew older I learned that true love is a giving thing - nothing in the world makes me happier than bringing pleasure to my loved ones. It even beats when they please me (ah well, close anyway). *g*

What pleases me in life is beauty, love, devotion and honesty. There are many ways for a person to express these things,- you can buy flowers, you can caress your loved one, sing to them, make them laugh, bake bread and all kinds of things. 

Most of these things however, have an upper limit that can be reached fairly easily.

When you are pleasing your loved one in all the nicest ways you can think of - how do you add to it? How do you express even more depth than being as nice, sweet, and good to him/her as you possibly can? 

I have found that this can be done by showing even more devotion than it takes to do all the nicest things in the world. By showing your Master that you are his - to an extent that out does “being your own”. You are his to do with as he pleases - good or bad, in pleasure or pain. You’re his completely, because you love him and even more, you trust him. You trust him enough to give yourself completely to him - not limited by the vanilla “I am yours as long as its nice”. You are his entirely - which means that it’s up to him to define a purpose for you in life - that is, to me, the deepest devotion one person can possibly show to another. It is the deepest form of respect, trust and love - which to me is beauty!

So!
The slave’s acceptance of pain/humiliation/whatever is a deep way to show complete devotion and love - and THAT gives me a kick. It’s not the pain/humiliation/whatever in and of itself, it is the acceptance of it from my slave - that is where I find the true beauty of S/M.

(Source: xunodetantosx, via itscomplicated837)

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” 
― Chuck PalahniukInvisible Monsters

(Source: kafka-with-a-switchblade, via itscomplicated837)

In tribute to my sis who beat breast cancer

Charise Isis‘ Grace”, a series featuring portraits of women who are breast cancer survivors and have experienced Mastectomy Surgery, is a stunning compilation of images that simultaneously reinvents feminine beauty and inspires courage in women with similar experiences. The project’s process and presentation allows both subject and viewer to access a place of acceptance and beauty.

The photographic project is influenced by Hellenic sculpture (Greek). Its influence serves as a visual reference for the portraits; the draped cloths and the poses the women are photographed in are very indicative of the feminine portrayal in these hellenic sculptures (i.e “Venus De Milo” and “Nike of Samathrace”). According to the artist statement, the reference is also to implicate notions of  the survival, adoration, beauty  of old ‘artifacts’.

Furthermore, “Grace” is a continuation of the artist’s ongoing exploration of the feminine body and its perception of beauty in contemporary culture.

English photographer Jonny Sutton creates subtle but powerfully symbolic photography that alludes to various themes including the quotidian, sexual experiences, and memory.

Athough Sutton is interested in depicting scenes that are familiar to past personal recollections, the haziness and [sometimes] cinematic feel of his compositions make the viewer feel disjointed and distant to what they may otherwise feel very familiar with. Sutton’s recent series, Remains and Pornography, explore the memory of sexual experience through objects and familiar scenes that may trigger flashbacks to ones own past regarding sexual involvements.

Remains focuses on sex and the relationship it has with our surroundings. His photographs record the aftermath of a night of passion. By photographing what is left behind, the artist creates an interesting narrative that again brings the viewers to remember with hazy and distant thoughts.

His other series, Pornography, explores the themes of sexual documentation, pornographic films and violence, and the sexualization of children. In this case, Sutton uses a Barbie Doll and manipulates it in a way that presents the viewer with subtle, but obvious sexual positions. The artist’s prop here works as both the subject of his composition but also as a very important part of his concept and main messege. The dolls’ body, identifiable with the female form and a child’s innocence, is easily taken and manipulated to reenact sexual positions. This might be a reference to rape or a man’s power over a woman/child, however, its meaning is unclear and not explained by the artist himself. Nonetheless, it is certainly a logical conclusion to come to. Moreover, Sutton’s way of blurring the images leaves the spectator to witness a sequence of events that are blocked off and partially remembered [on behalf of whom is theoretically experiencing that manipulation,etc]. On the other hand, from an outsiders’ perspective, we acknowledge that the intrusiveness of the camera, or our gaze, in this case, is what makes the work the ultimate source of manipulation.

Around three years ago, Brooklyn-based photographer Lauren Renner began her project, “In Others’ Words,” a series that captures the vulnerability with which people self-identify. During a period of transition wherein Renner began to date women, the photographer started to notice people treating her differently, trying to categorize or label her because of her sexuality, even though she didn’t feel like a fundamentally different person. She found this observation fascinating and she began to wonder how others were stereotyped in accordance with their bodies and relationships. Renner’s project captures these intimacies by shooting her subjects in open, public spaces as well as having her subjects become vulnerable to strangers, allowing them to inscribe stereotyped descriptors onto each others’ naked bodies.

Renner says, “When it comes down to it, no matter who is labeling you, all of those words and constructs become a mish-mash inside of you, and seem to inform each other. Words carry a tremendous amount of power, which is why breaking away from some and holding onto others can feel so insurmountable. On the flip side of that coin, I think people tend to become very comfortable in the ways in which they categorize others, to the point where they may not even be aware that they’re doing it in the first place. ”

After all, at the end of the day we put people into boxes because subconsciously it makes them easier for us to mentally digest. Seeing people view my work for the first time was a huge experience for me because I got to see how people reacted when the boxes they were accustomed to had been taken away.”

“In Others’ Words” is an ongoing project and Renner is constantly seeking subjects of all ages, backgrounds, genders, identities, cultures, and abilities to participate.

The Victorian doll is a symbol of feminine delicacy and piety, but the Scottish sculptorJessica Harrison has turned that notion on its head, constructing porcelain figures and painting their flesh with vivid sailor tattoos. Harrison, previously featured here for her graphic and macabre figurines, subtly builds upon contemporary dialogues of sexuality and the female body. Where Victorian women were encouraged to be sexually modest, religious and sober, Harrison’s dolls adopt the visual language associated with drunkenness and sexual freedom on the high seas. Sailors, feared for their rowdy traditions, were thought of as the antithesis of the ideal woman, who was almost always middle class, white, home-bound.

Harrison’s dolls, like many Victorian woman, wear corsets and petticoats of soft, pastel hues; one even modestly holds a fan. But these seemingly coy women obviously have some ruffian pasts. Tattooed on one woman’s pale arms are the names of a dozen conquests: Daisy, Rita, Maria, Eileen. Unlike the figurines treasured by small Victorian children, Harrison’s characters seem to have anachronistically accompanied Sailor Jerry on his boozy pin-up filled adventures. Beside a budding rose sewn into the color of her dress, a lady reveals a pair of flying swallows, an icon that appears frequently in mid-20th century sailor tattoos.

Harrison’s impressive series coyly lays bare the deeply entrenched sexism, racism, and classism of the Victorian era, during which women were not permitted to vote or visit pubs. With their waists cinched and their hair powdered into elaborate updos, these seemingly fragile porcelain figures contain an undeniable grit that transcends all social barriers.

Harrison’s work is currently on view at Galerie LJ in Paris

You digest and absorb your life by turning it into stories … Other events—the ones you can’t digest—they poison you. Those worst parts of your life, those moments you can’t talk about, they rot you from the inside out. … But the stories that you can digest, that you can tell—you can take control of those past moments. You can shape them, craft them. Master them. And use them to your own good. Those stories as important as food. Those are stories you can use to make people laugh or cry or sick. Or scared. To make people feel the way you felt. To help exhaust that past moment for them and for you. Until that moment is dead. Consumed. Digested. Absorbed. –Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

You digest and absorb your life by turning it into stories … Other events—the ones you can’t digest—they poison you. Those worst parts of your life, those moments you can’t talk about, they rot you from the inside out. … But the stories that you can digest, that you can tell—you can take control of those past moments. You can shape them, craft them. Master them. And use them to your own good. Those stories as important as food. Those are stories you can use to make people laugh or cry or sick. Or scared. To make people feel the way you felt. To help exhaust that past moment for them and for you. Until that moment is dead. Consumed. Digested. Absorbed. –Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
— Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles)

"Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened." — Dr. Seuss

"Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened." 
— Dr. Seuss

And then he flips me over.
And from then on he takes over, my body becomes his, and I am set free. The most I can manage in those moments is to rake my nails into the bed and bite the the wet soft pillow as he ravages me…and pounds into me like a rampagnt jackhammer..do deep into me……………it takes me…GOD,.It’s enough. I am so HIS.

And then he flips me over.

And from then on he takes over, my body becomes his, and I am set free. The most I can manage in those moments is to rake my nails into the bed and bite the the wet soft pillow as he ravages me…and pounds into me like a rampagnt jackhammer..do deep into me……………it takes me…GOD,.

It’s enough. I am so HIS.