Life..reality and BDSM

Life comes with bills, the flu, dishes, and laundry, getting the car serviced, taking the trash out, going to work and so much more. Plus then add in kids if you have them and then you have less time. And everything keeps going no matter if you are in a D/s relationship. It means there is no 24/7 bondage, S&M and sex. It means living life the best we can do and trying to add in things to keep that focus of the power exchange. It is keeping it real within reality. 

I think people think that when you are in a D/s or Master/slave relationship it is all about sex and S&M. But as you know we live in the real world and we make our lives fit within reality of the world or it will makes us fit in it. 

The only thing that is needed for a Master/slave relationship is the power exchange. In our relationship he controls and I serve and obey. And that is all that is needed. And those things can fit in anyone’s life with bills, projects or even if you have kids. 

Some people believe that if the vanilla quicksand them that they have to start their D/s relationship all over OR that they are being vanilla. 

Many of people look at their lifestyle and just see the toilet overflowing, the stack of dishes, the pile of book bags and the laundry heaping up. They think we are not doing S&M because of all that “vanilla stuff.” Instead of looking at it that way, look at the foundation…the power exchange and see that the D/s is still there or it can still be there without S&M. By no means are we saying to take out the S&M or we don’t “need” it. But make sure the foundation of the power exchange is there.

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

50 Shades of Grey Trailer · Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson

You can leave your heart on Little One

I don’t want to miss a thing

Everything I do I do for you….

don’t tell me its not worth fighting for

“In the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future.” ― Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart

“In the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future.” 
― Jodi PicoultChange of Heart

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” 
― Kurt VonnegutMother Night

"Most welcome, bondage, for thou art a way, I think, to liberty." William Shakespeare (English poet and playwright)

"Most welcome, bondage, for thou art a way, I think, to liberty." 
William Shakespeare (English poet and playwright)

"No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain. Its impressions are unmistakable." Marquis De Sade (French aristocrat, revolutionary politician, philosopher, and writer)

"No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain. Its impressions are unmistakable." 
Marquis De Sade (French aristocrat, revolutionary politician, philosopher, and writer)

"Sometimes it is harder to deprive oneself of a pain than of a pleasure" 
Francis Scott Fitzgerald (American author)

fortheloveofasub:

A Master May Drive Change - But Do Not Lose Your Self
There is no question that Dom’s like to mold their submissives into the image of their desires and leave their mark, literally and figuratively. A good and competent Dom will focus their efforts on the growth of their sub, both as a submissive and a person. My major thrust with my Muse is to help her grow and meet her potential as both a woman and a submissive, but above all to be successful in life. Her success is my success. I do not spend a lot of time telling my Muse how to dress, how to speak, or engage in a lot of other behavior or personality modification. My emphasis is on her confidence, self-awareness and sensuality, and on unlocking the intellectual, spiritual and emotional potential within her. Other Doms may have a more directive approach, seeking very specific patterns of behavior and means of pleasing. Regardless, one way or another there is little doubt that Doms often seek change in their submissives and that submissives work hard to change themselves in the image of their Dom’s desire.
So how does a submissive change for a Master or Dom and not lose sight of themselves and the beautiful things that attracted a Dom to them in the first place? Is this process of change a good thing at all?
A Dominant can be many things to a submissive. They can be a teacher, leader, mentor, disciplinarian, authority figure, playmate, partner, lover and more. Indeed, the changes that occur in a submissive are not always a direct result of the Dom overtly trying to mold the sub. Sometimes, the submissive tries to shape themselves in a self-directed and self-inspired effort to be a “better” submissive or “better” slave to their Master. There is a tendency on the part of submissives to be perfectionists and they can often struggle to the point of frustration in their efforts at being “better” in various ways. My response to this is to often remind my Muse that I chose her and she chose me and that her submission and her person please me. I remind her that I will inform her in no uncertain terms if and when she is not pleasing and we will address it then. In the mean time, she need only grant me her submission and be herself. Just be.
I view my role as a Dominant first and foremost being to provide a safe environment for my Muse to express her submissiveness and to grow. Similarly, I perceive the role of my Muse as being a safe environment for me to express my Dominance and for me to be able to grow through that process. Of course it is open to interpretation what it means for anyone to “grow” but ultimately I view it as a journey toward being able to express myself fully and with confidence and in so doing explore and learn myself fully. I hope the same for my Muse.
So when a Dominant or Master is leading their submissive or slave down a path of change, how can a submissive be sure that it is a positive direction or even a path they want to be on at all?
I recommend that a submissive take time periodically to reflect on their journey. Does it feel right? Are they happy with the journey? Is there something missing? Can the missing things be achieved on their current path? If not, can they be achieved in their current relationship through communication and a change of direction, or do they need to make some decisions about a new relationship entirely?
These are tough questions. For many submissives, the journey is not just about BDSM play; they are committing their hearts, souls, and bodies to serve someone. They are often in some respects subduing their own personality traits in their effort to submit to another. But, perhaps they can submit without being ‘subdued’ about it. Submissives can be vivacious, outgoing, playful and colorful, and still honor their Doms. After all, it is often those very traits that attracted the Dominant to them in the first place. A submissive need not be a mindless automaton devoid of personality to be submissive and of service.
I believe that it is also important that submissives not only reflect upon their own journey in isolation but that they share and compare their experiences with other submissives as well. It is very important to receive affirmation of one’s feelings and direction but also equally important to have an outside perspective to help ensure that one is not simply blindly going down an unhealthy or potentially damaging path. A healthy D/s relationship does not only look healthy from the myopic internal view of the partners but also to others in the lifestyle on the outside. A domineering and controlling individual might fear and resist this outside appraisal but a competent Dom will have confidence and be comfortable enough in the relationship and their methods to accept outside perspective and perhaps even implement change as a result.
A Dom can be extremely demanding during play, but in the course of daily life can choose to lead my a more gentle path. Whether firm and high protocol or taking a more mentor-like approach, ultimately a good Dom is not out to breed complete and utter dependence on the part of their submissive. That is the dubious domain of controlling and domineering partners and should be carefully scrutinized and avoided.  
One of my primary goals in the growth of my Muse is that she gain ever greater independence in all facets of her life. She can be dependent on my care, emotional support and whatever wisdom I posses but in the end I desire that her growth lead her to be the strongest, most independent person she can be. Is this in direct conflict with the principles of a D/s relationship? I argue not. In fact, I think it is perhaps one of the greatest paradoxes of D/s that while my Muse may be my submissive and do everything she can to be of service to me, contrary to all outward appearances I in turn am doing everything in my power to make her a more free, independent and self-reliant person.
In my D/s world a submissive is not a toy and is not disposable. My relationships are deep and committed. Far from trying to mold my Muse into an image of what I want, my Dominance is directed at making her more of what she is capable of being. For she is capable of far greater things and far more beautiful service and devotion than my imagination could ever conjure. The more she is of her self, the more there is to give to me. We both win.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image © Dan Agar

fortheloveofasub:

A Master May Drive Change - But Do Not Lose Your Self

There is no question that Dom’s like to mold their submissives into the image of their desires and leave their mark, literally and figuratively. A good and competent Dom will focus their efforts on the growth of their sub, both as a submissive and a person. My major thrust with my Muse is to help her grow and meet her potential as both a woman and a submissive, but above all to be successful in life. Her success is my success. I do not spend a lot of time telling my Muse how to dress, how to speak, or engage in a lot of other behavior or personality modification. My emphasis is on her confidence, self-awareness and sensuality, and on unlocking the intellectual, spiritual and emotional potential within her. Other Doms may have a more directive approach, seeking very specific patterns of behavior and means of pleasing. Regardless, one way or another there is little doubt that Doms often seek change in their submissives and that submissives work hard to change themselves in the image of their Dom’s desire.

So how does a submissive change for a Master or Dom and not lose sight of themselves and the beautiful things that attracted a Dom to them in the first place? Is this process of change a good thing at all?

A Dominant can be many things to a submissive. They can be a teacher, leader, mentor, disciplinarian, authority figure, playmate, partner, lover and more. Indeed, the changes that occur in a submissive are not always a direct result of the Dom overtly trying to mold the sub. Sometimes, the submissive tries to shape themselves in a self-directed and self-inspired effort to be a “better” submissive or “better” slave to their Master. There is a tendency on the part of submissives to be perfectionists and they can often struggle to the point of frustration in their efforts at being “better” in various ways. My response to this is to often remind my Muse that I chose her and she chose me and that her submission and her person please me. I remind her that I will inform her in no uncertain terms if and when she is not pleasing and we will address it then. In the mean time, she need only grant me her submission and be herself. Just be.

I view my role as a Dominant first and foremost being to provide a safe environment for my Muse to express her submissiveness and to grow. Similarly, I perceive the role of my Muse as being a safe environment for me to express my Dominance and for me to be able to grow through that process. Of course it is open to interpretation what it means for anyone to “grow” but ultimately I view it as a journey toward being able to express myself fully and with confidence and in so doing explore and learn myself fully. I hope the same for my Muse.

So when a Dominant or Master is leading their submissive or slave down a path of change, how can a submissive be sure that it is a positive direction or even a path they want to be on at all?

I recommend that a submissive take time periodically to reflect on their journey. Does it feel right? Are they happy with the journey? Is there something missing? Can the missing things be achieved on their current path? If not, can they be achieved in their current relationship through communication and a change of direction, or do they need to make some decisions about a new relationship entirely?

These are tough questions. For many submissives, the journey is not just about BDSM play; they are committing their hearts, souls, and bodies to serve someone. They are often in some respects subduing their own personality traits in their effort to submit to another. But, perhaps they can submit without being ‘subdued’ about it. Submissives can be vivacious, outgoing, playful and colorful, and still honor their Doms. After all, it is often those very traits that attracted the Dominant to them in the first place. A submissive need not be a mindless automaton devoid of personality to be submissive and of service.

I believe that it is also important that submissives not only reflect upon their own journey in isolation but that they share and compare their experiences with other submissives as well. It is very important to receive affirmation of one’s feelings and direction but also equally important to have an outside perspective to help ensure that one is not simply blindly going down an unhealthy or potentially damaging path. A healthy D/s relationship does not only look healthy from the myopic internal view of the partners but also to others in the lifestyle on the outside. A domineering and controlling individual might fear and resist this outside appraisal but a competent Dom will have confidence and be comfortable enough in the relationship and their methods to accept outside perspective and perhaps even implement change as a result.

A Dom can be extremely demanding during play, but in the course of daily life can choose to lead my a more gentle path. Whether firm and high protocol or taking a more mentor-like approach, ultimately a good Dom is not out to breed complete and utter dependence on the part of their submissive. That is the dubious domain of controlling and domineering partners and should be carefully scrutinized and avoided.  

One of my primary goals in the growth of my Muse is that she gain ever greater independence in all facets of her life. She can be dependent on my care, emotional support and whatever wisdom I posses but in the end I desire that her growth lead her to be the strongest, most independent person she can be. Is this in direct conflict with the principles of a D/s relationship? I argue not. In fact, I think it is perhaps one of the greatest paradoxes of D/s that while my Muse may be my submissive and do everything she can to be of service to me, contrary to all outward appearances I in turn am doing everything in my power to make her a more free, independent and self-reliant person.

In my D/s world a submissive is not a toy and is not disposable. My relationships are deep and committed. Far from trying to mold my Muse into an image of what I want, my Dominance is directed at making her more of what she is capable of being. For she is capable of far greater things and far more beautiful service and devotion than my imagination could ever conjure. The more she is of her self, the more there is to give to me. We both win.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013

Image © Dan Agar

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” ― Anaïs Nin

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” 
― Anaïs Nin

"He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires, and fears, is more than a king."John Milton 

"He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires, and fears, is more than a king."
John Milton